Who's Dumber II and Growing Older

Four days later and I finally talked with Mr. Boyfriend. He has called every day for the last three days. Not left messages, but called. Today, he began leaving messages.

Early this afternoon it was anger. Frustration. Blaming garbage.

Later this afternoon (while I was in the clinic discovering my blood sugar is high) he left a variety of messages using different goofy voices, like a Bill Clinton impersonation. Which was actually pretty good and very funny. Humor is my soft spot. I can't stay mad when something is funny.

So he called and I picked up. We chatted. He apologized for being a jerk, but basically said that it's who he is. OK. Whatever.

I had to get off the phone and when I asked if he'd like me to call him back, he could not give me a straight answer. "If you have time and I'm not busy I might answer the phone but maybe you need time or maybe I need time..."

So I'm not calling him again. I'm not playing games. Or maybe I am. I don't know. I asked a yes or no question and in order to not be vulnerable he again made me feel unimportant. I've just had enough.

HEY!! I FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR EX-HUSBANDS!!! YOU CAN YELL AT THEM WHEN THEY MAKE STUPID STATEMENTS ON NO-GOOD VERY BAD DAYS!!

The ex and I are learning to live in a sort of peace. Learning to like it. The interesting thing is that we will bounce back to civil very shortly after this evening. We have childish conversations whereby he says something completely inaccurate (I have documentation to this effect - this is not an irrational argument yet) and I call him stupid, tell him that I don't have time to argue with him and hang up.

I know. I am not a nice person. But he was being stupid and I've had a bad day. At any rate, I knew I shouldn't have said that. I picked up the phone, dialed his number and said I was sorry. He said something else stupid, like the fact that we weren't getting along was all my fault. At which point I said something like..."That's why I'm apologizing." (Dummy.)

We probably exchanged four phone calls each about 30 seconds long. The last statements made are hysterical, if you have a childish sense of humor. I called him back and told him his arguments were still illogical and full of BS. He told me he liked his argument style just fine. I said something to the effect I was glad someone else had to listen to him if he was still going to argue that dumb. Then I hung up.

When you've known someone as long as the ex and I have known each other, you know how they react. He must have needed to argue with someone, too. The last convo was immensely satisfying in a very childish way. He felt the same way. Now he can say bad things about me, they will be true and he'll feel better about himself. And I got to yell at someone and it's all still ok. I think.

Back to Basics

Back to Mr. Boyfriend. I miss him. But I can't put myself out there for someone to blow a gasket at whenever the urge strikes them. I mean, I'm not his ex-wife!! Right? (Even I'm laughing...I am truly PMSing, here...and unrepentent.)

I don't know. What I DO know is it feels like when he gets called on certain behaviors he admits to them and then says it's just who he is. Which is sort of a cop out. (This is who I am. If you are with ME, I'm going to treat you badly sometimes just because that's who I am. Live with it, or go away.) I guess I'm just going to leave him to struggle with this for a while.

Health...The 36th Year Looms Large

I've gained about 10 pounds or so since I quit smoking. Atkins had been my weight adjuster because it WORKED. The last couple of months it hasn't worked at all. I can't get my body to go into a state of Ketosis - similar to Type 1 diabetes. I measure this by using Keto sticks - it's a personal thing I'm not going to explain. Needless to say, the Keto sticks tell me I still have plenty of sugar in my urine.

My dad has type II diabetes. I worry that I am pre-diabetic, or insulin resistant or any number of things. My doctor pretty much blew me off. The nurse ran a quick blood test and my bood sugar was high. I haven't had any carbs or sugar in three days. Tomorrow they do another test. I may switch doctors. Plus, as childish as THIS sounds, I have a gland on my throat swollen that this same doctor just wants to "watch" before checking my white cell count. I smoked for over a decade.

I worry.

And with that, I'm going to crawl in bed, go to sleep ASAP and hope tomorrow is better!