TEENAGERS SUCK
Teenage daughters can be horrendous and wonderful at the same time. I'm having some major trouble with my oldest. She doesn't realize it - because she is a great kid. But her attitude is ANGRY and her grades reflect it. Outside of that, she has great morals and lots and lots of spunk. But I worry about her. A friend of hers managed to get horribly drunk the other night and then come to MY HOUSE. I, of course, can remember being that age, but also know that if it was MY KID, I'd wanna know. So I informed the friend she had to tell her mother. And that then I wanted to talk to her mother. I'm so mean...forcing communication between a parent and a child.
My daughter is now furious with me - a risk I took because it could eventually save someone’s life, from my view. She says she will never talk to me again about anything. She is withdrawing, spending more time on the computer and in her room painting. I keep reaching out - works for a while and then she pushes me away. I'll just keep reaching as long as I can.
Her friends say I am "weird". All of my children’s friends say this. I half feel bad for them, and I half don't. Most of the parents of kids my children’s ages are ten years older then me. I realized when I had my oldest that I would never fit in with the other moms. I don't. I don't worry about it anymore. So on some levels I have a very close bond with my children, and in other areas I work hard at being "motherly". I cook, clean and car pool. I never, however, could bring myself to join the PTA. I drove a mini-van for a few years and hated it.
I feel like an imposter in the grade school - like I shouldn't be there rubbing elbows with the teachers - still. I have to stop myself from always addressing teachers with a Mr. or Mrs. before their name.Not so in the Middle School or High School. I feel right at home. Bizarre. Maybe this is because inside, I am still half teenager. And therein lies the problem.
FEAR, FEAR, And FEAR
When I realize this, I am gripped with fear. Here, I will write what I am deathly afraid of - that which I will not mention to anyone else. What if I never grow up? What if I never enter the realm of being a normal grown woman? I am to be 36 in a couple of weeks...closer to 40 than anything else. I feel like I'm at MOST, about 30 years old. What if I never progress beyond this in terms of emotional or financial maturity? I know that I strike people as immature. That's because I am. I used to simply present myself as mature. Now I've given up worrying about presenting as a grown up with it all together. I just don't care anymore. Is this a step in the right direction or not? I don't know.
I realized the main reason I'm so annoyed with Mr. Boyfriend isn't because he was kind of a creep the other night, it's because he got in the way of my fun. How childish is that?Am I being childish or have I simply realized an essential part of my personality? I like to have fun. I don't want anyone getting in the way (except my children). I don't want anyone wrecking a perfectly good evening for stupid reasons. Life is short. There is too much to be miserable about - why give misery one second more than it needs? Be happy. Have fun. Enjoy life.
My daughter is now furious with me - a risk I took because it could eventually save someone’s life, from my view. She says she will never talk to me again about anything. She is withdrawing, spending more time on the computer and in her room painting. I keep reaching out - works for a while and then she pushes me away. I'll just keep reaching as long as I can.
Her friends say I am "weird". All of my children’s friends say this. I half feel bad for them, and I half don't. Most of the parents of kids my children’s ages are ten years older then me. I realized when I had my oldest that I would never fit in with the other moms. I don't. I don't worry about it anymore. So on some levels I have a very close bond with my children, and in other areas I work hard at being "motherly". I cook, clean and car pool. I never, however, could bring myself to join the PTA. I drove a mini-van for a few years and hated it.
I feel like an imposter in the grade school - like I shouldn't be there rubbing elbows with the teachers - still. I have to stop myself from always addressing teachers with a Mr. or Mrs. before their name.Not so in the Middle School or High School. I feel right at home. Bizarre. Maybe this is because inside, I am still half teenager. And therein lies the problem.
FEAR, FEAR, And FEAR
When I realize this, I am gripped with fear. Here, I will write what I am deathly afraid of - that which I will not mention to anyone else. What if I never grow up? What if I never enter the realm of being a normal grown woman? I am to be 36 in a couple of weeks...closer to 40 than anything else. I feel like I'm at MOST, about 30 years old. What if I never progress beyond this in terms of emotional or financial maturity? I know that I strike people as immature. That's because I am. I used to simply present myself as mature. Now I've given up worrying about presenting as a grown up with it all together. I just don't care anymore. Is this a step in the right direction or not? I don't know.
I realized the main reason I'm so annoyed with Mr. Boyfriend isn't because he was kind of a creep the other night, it's because he got in the way of my fun. How childish is that?Am I being childish or have I simply realized an essential part of my personality? I like to have fun. I don't want anyone getting in the way (except my children). I don't want anyone wrecking a perfectly good evening for stupid reasons. Life is short. There is too much to be miserable about - why give misery one second more than it needs? Be happy. Have fun. Enjoy life.
posted by New Day | 7:32 PM
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