It's a God Thing
Donna Vera was kind enough to offer a commentary on religious hypocrisy, our idiotic tendency to rate sin, judge others and not focus on what is inherently important in life.
This has made me think of my own hypocrisy, my own belief system and finally, how absolutely generous God has been with me.
My faith has always been deeply rooted, but it was never anything incredibly personal, nor something I carried with me on a daily basis. Since September it has been evolving in that direction. I doubt that I will ever become a "Holy Roller" (as I grew up believing people who talked about their faith OUTSIDE of Church, to be). BUT...
The X has an Aunt whom the entire family considers to be completely wacked. She is now a Pastor of her own church out in rural Chippewa Falls. She went through a divorce and found God. That woman, as strange as I used to think she was, never pushed her faith on anyone and she carries herself with peace and ...well, joy. There is an inner light in her eyes, ALL THE TIME.
I have had a taste of this peace. It's absolutely wonderful. I am so grateful for the financial situation I find myself in. Every month brings new challenges...birthdays, Christmas, formal dances - extra expenses which I absolutely can't skip. These things are in addition to monthly bills and a small amount of debt I'm to cover as a result of the divorce.
Every month I worry. Every month I barely make it. Every month I place it in God's hands because I'm fresh out of ideas and am not sure what direction he wants me to go in. Every single month he provides for my children and me. The mortgage gets paid. The bills get paid. We have grocery and gas money. I can give the kids money to do things. Every month it's a miracle. It's happening again this month. A week ago I was stressed to the limit. Child support check was late..again, my paycheck wasn't as large as I though it should be. My son has a hockey tourney I'm supposed to take him to in another city and my daughter has her first high school formal. My car insurance had lapsed.
Somehow, it has all been rearranged and money is in my account that I didn't expect or wasn't supposed to be there yet. I can pay my bills and take care of my children. I've been given an additional temporary job this week and landed another position, which will add to my paycheck. Bit by bit - I might get caught up. It's God. It's not me.
There are those that would argue. Who might say it is luck, or logical if one thinks about it...but I just don't see it anymore. I can be in tears, terrified, and do nothing but pray- hand it over because there just is nowhere else to go with it. No one to ask for help anymore. Twenty minutes later, the phone will ring. My X has deposited $600 dollars in my checking account - my portion of his commission check. I can't explain it any other way. It's God and I am so grateful.
This has made me think of my own hypocrisy, my own belief system and finally, how absolutely generous God has been with me.
My faith has always been deeply rooted, but it was never anything incredibly personal, nor something I carried with me on a daily basis. Since September it has been evolving in that direction. I doubt that I will ever become a "Holy Roller" (as I grew up believing people who talked about their faith OUTSIDE of Church, to be). BUT...
The X has an Aunt whom the entire family considers to be completely wacked. She is now a Pastor of her own church out in rural Chippewa Falls. She went through a divorce and found God. That woman, as strange as I used to think she was, never pushed her faith on anyone and she carries herself with peace and ...well, joy. There is an inner light in her eyes, ALL THE TIME.
I have had a taste of this peace. It's absolutely wonderful. I am so grateful for the financial situation I find myself in. Every month brings new challenges...birthdays, Christmas, formal dances - extra expenses which I absolutely can't skip. These things are in addition to monthly bills and a small amount of debt I'm to cover as a result of the divorce.
Every month I worry. Every month I barely make it. Every month I place it in God's hands because I'm fresh out of ideas and am not sure what direction he wants me to go in. Every single month he provides for my children and me. The mortgage gets paid. The bills get paid. We have grocery and gas money. I can give the kids money to do things. Every month it's a miracle. It's happening again this month. A week ago I was stressed to the limit. Child support check was late..again, my paycheck wasn't as large as I though it should be. My son has a hockey tourney I'm supposed to take him to in another city and my daughter has her first high school formal. My car insurance had lapsed.
Somehow, it has all been rearranged and money is in my account that I didn't expect or wasn't supposed to be there yet. I can pay my bills and take care of my children. I've been given an additional temporary job this week and landed another position, which will add to my paycheck. Bit by bit - I might get caught up. It's God. It's not me.
There are those that would argue. Who might say it is luck, or logical if one thinks about it...but I just don't see it anymore. I can be in tears, terrified, and do nothing but pray- hand it over because there just is nowhere else to go with it. No one to ask for help anymore. Twenty minutes later, the phone will ring. My X has deposited $600 dollars in my checking account - my portion of his commission check. I can't explain it any other way. It's God and I am so grateful.
posted by New Day | 9:36 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home