Money and Control
Life is beginning to take shape. It's an odd shape, not one I expected, but one which is working for me.
I discovered today that there are people who will lend me money to refinance my house, with cash out to catch me up and pay off some bills. I have put this off because I was afraid to move on my own. When I refinance my car - in my own name, this December, I realized it's the very first loan I've ever had in my name, alone. And now I own a home and will have a home loan in my own name. I'm being forced to grow up. I'm not complaining, just shaking in my boots.
Someone will lend me money to finance my home? Just me? Weird.
I made the decision to put off school until this summer or next fall. I need instead to get my finances in order and create some semblance of predictability in my life and in my children lives.
This bizarro job I found, merchandising, is so STUPID, but so incredibly enjoyable. I just love it. I set my own schedule. I am busier than I ever dreamed I would be. It doesn't take a college degree, but I'm WORKING and am able to work around the kids. Because it is such an easy job, I am able to relax. I enjoy people. Maybe I'll just go into management in this stuff. Who knows?
It just might all be coming together. Maybe.
The ex decided to leave a huge credit card open in both of our names. I closed it today. Or rather, the bank ladies who have all been through divorce closed it with my permission. They simply looked at me and said "It's better for you this way." Well, alright then. Do for me whatever must be done. The ex is having a fit. Something about property taxes I was supposed to pay in 2005 so that he could claim them on his income taxes. Instead I will pay them before the end of the month and be able to claim them on MINE next year. Oops. I didn't even think of that. Sure am glad he pointed that out. Oh, what? He doesn't want to pay his attorney to respond to the garbage I've paid my attorney to draft? Oh well!
I can not wait to have my home refinance. I can not wait to have him off the mortgage. I can not wait to make him have that much less control. Every day I thank God I am not with him. I was so miserable and did not even know it. I wake up and realize I am living an honest life, with no secrets and am delighted. No secrets, no shame, no guilt, no abuse. There is joy in my life, something missing for years.
I discovered today that there are people who will lend me money to refinance my house, with cash out to catch me up and pay off some bills. I have put this off because I was afraid to move on my own. When I refinance my car - in my own name, this December, I realized it's the very first loan I've ever had in my name, alone. And now I own a home and will have a home loan in my own name. I'm being forced to grow up. I'm not complaining, just shaking in my boots.
Someone will lend me money to finance my home? Just me? Weird.
I made the decision to put off school until this summer or next fall. I need instead to get my finances in order and create some semblance of predictability in my life and in my children lives.
This bizarro job I found, merchandising, is so STUPID, but so incredibly enjoyable. I just love it. I set my own schedule. I am busier than I ever dreamed I would be. It doesn't take a college degree, but I'm WORKING and am able to work around the kids. Because it is such an easy job, I am able to relax. I enjoy people. Maybe I'll just go into management in this stuff. Who knows?
It just might all be coming together. Maybe.
The ex decided to leave a huge credit card open in both of our names. I closed it today. Or rather, the bank ladies who have all been through divorce closed it with my permission. They simply looked at me and said "It's better for you this way." Well, alright then. Do for me whatever must be done. The ex is having a fit. Something about property taxes I was supposed to pay in 2005 so that he could claim them on his income taxes. Instead I will pay them before the end of the month and be able to claim them on MINE next year. Oops. I didn't even think of that. Sure am glad he pointed that out. Oh, what? He doesn't want to pay his attorney to respond to the garbage I've paid my attorney to draft? Oh well!
I can not wait to have my home refinance. I can not wait to have him off the mortgage. I can not wait to make him have that much less control. Every day I thank God I am not with him. I was so miserable and did not even know it. I wake up and realize I am living an honest life, with no secrets and am delighted. No secrets, no shame, no guilt, no abuse. There is joy in my life, something missing for years.
posted by New Day | 6:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home