Update

I don't know that anyone reads this anymore....but writing was never really for others, anyway.

A year and a half past divorce and things are still rocking and rolling. Weird. I don't even know where to begin. I'm still appraising. It has been financially challenging as it is fee based work, much like commision. Don't get paid until the firm gets paid. I started, of course, with a zero balance. Pay checks get a little bigger each time. Behind because of Christmas, but what am I to do when I have three kids?

My middle child has decided she wants to go to private school and live with her dad. For a brief moment I was devastated. Why can't life stop rolling me over? Doesn't it ever quit? Then I shrugged it off. No - life will never quit.

My home life is not back to where it needs to be. My kids are still running the house - it's tough when I work and have a small life. But organization was actually something I once did well. I have yet to get control of it all. But I'm working on it. I'm frustrated with myself. I should be further along then I am.

At the same time, I feel confidence returning that I haven't had for quite a while. Going back to appraising was a wise thing. I like using my brain. I like driving and I like people. Mr. Boyfriend and I are still on again off again - has been much more off than on.

Frankly, I'm crabby. I'm tired of jealousy. I'm tired of weirdness. I have developed a group of friends which I like very much and I don't want weirdness interfereing with it. I have a best friend. A wonderful best friend the likes of which I have not had for a long, long time. She has been a life saver. She keeps me sane, reminds me I'm a girl and makes it ok to be me when sometimes I get too hard on myself.