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Location: Wisconsin, United States

"There is a secret set within each of our hearts...It is simply the desire for life as it was meant to be... Seasons may pass until it surfaces again. And though it seems to taunt us, and may at times cause us great pain, we know when it returns that it is priceless. For if we could recover this desire, unearth it from beneath all other distractions, and embrace it as our deepest treasure, we would discover the secret of our existance." -John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


I don't know that anyone reads this anymore....but writing was never really for others, anyway.

A year and a half past divorce and things are still rocking and rolling. Weird. I don't even know where to begin. I'm still appraising. It has been financially challenging as it is fee based work, much like commision. Don't get paid until the firm gets paid. I started, of course, with a zero balance. Pay checks get a little bigger each time. Behind because of Christmas, but what am I to do when I have three kids?

My middle child has decided she wants to go to private school and live with her dad. For a brief moment I was devastated. Why can't life stop rolling me over? Doesn't it ever quit? Then I shrugged it off. No - life will never quit.

My home life is not back to where it needs to be. My kids are still running the house - it's tough when I work and have a small life. But organization was actually something I once did well. I have yet to get control of it all. But I'm working on it. I'm frustrated with myself. I should be further along then I am.

At the same time, I feel confidence returning that I haven't had for quite a while. Going back to appraising was a wise thing. I like using my brain. I like driving and I like people. Mr. Boyfriend and I are still on again off again - has been much more off than on.

Frankly, I'm crabby. I'm tired of jealousy. I'm tired of weirdness. I have developed a group of friends which I like very much and I don't want weirdness interfereing with it. I have a best friend. A wonderful best friend the likes of which I have not had for a long, long time. She has been a life saver. She keeps me sane, reminds me I'm a girl and makes it ok to be me when sometimes I get too hard on myself.


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