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Location: Wisconsin, United States

"There is a secret set within each of our hearts...It is simply the desire for life as it was meant to be... Seasons may pass until it surfaces again. And though it seems to taunt us, and may at times cause us great pain, we know when it returns that it is priceless. For if we could recover this desire, unearth it from beneath all other distractions, and embrace it as our deepest treasure, we would discover the secret of our existance." -John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Rejection Clothes

My former father-in-law is scheduled to have a quadruple by-pass tomorrow morning. I have been barred from seeing him - his wishes. I do not know what I have done to deserve this, save divorce his son, something even he pushed for.

I blame this on my ex, who taunted me outside the courthouse on Tuesday. Nobody likes me, nobody wants me around, his girlfriend is there taking care of everyone. He smiled, smirked, while he said it. And then he waved at me cheerfully as he drove by. He used his own fathers ailing health as a way to harm me and gloated while he did it.

His sister, who has been so very supportive, has not spoken to me. I do not know what I've done. If I sound clueless it's because, really, I am.

The important thing is that my father-in-law gets well. That he survives. I'll send him a card, tell him I love him, and say a prayer. It's all I can do. My former mother-in-law is being ok to me. She calls and gives me regular updates; something her son or daughter really ought to be doing.

Don't Ask for the Knife Back

On the other hand, when this is over...when the ex's father is well, everyone's emotions have returned to normal and I have pulled the knife out of my back; I will not be interacting with these people. They have some sick vision of myself and Mr. Boyfriend, my ex and his girlfriend all sitting down to Sunday dinner together. No. They just terminated our relationship.

I won't be handing the knife back to them. I don't know what the ex has said to them, what lies he has concocted this go round and I really don't want to know.

The bottom line is that I am grieving. I sat up Tuesday night and cried my eyes out. This man was a father to me for nearly sixteen years. I have not interacted much with him the last few months - on purpose - so I do not know what has been said about me. People can be very, very cruel.

2 Comments:

Blogger Donna Vera said...

My husband and I attended his uncle's funeral on Tuesday. My husband and his ex have been apart now for almost as long as they were married, but when she appeared at the wake she was greeted with open arms. Love and compassion for others should be able to transcend divorce. How sad for your ex-in-laws that they can't see that.

9:51 PM  
Blogger New Day said...

Thanks, donna vera. This has really sucked :-)

7:47 AM  

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