Betrayal and a Clean Garage

I have to get something off my chest.

My former sister and brother-in-law are spending the weekend with my ex and his girlfriend. I am really, really having a tough time with this. It stings. No matter what I do, that hurt won't go away. It feels like another betrayal. I know it is not. It is simply life moving on.

But she wanted everything I had. She wanted a relationship with my kids. She wanted my spouse. She wanted his family. She got it all.

I don't much care about the spouse part anymore. But the rest of it made me feel lonely. I used to have a much larger family. Half of it is gone. It hurts that people can turn their back on you that quickly and to someone who deliberately set out to destroy a part of thier own family. But I am not that anymore. Not family. After nearly two decades they can replace me in a heart beat.

Mr. Boyfriend came over tonight and helped me clean out my garage. I think I am even more confused then I was before. I do not get the impression that he wants me emotionally, but more that he's looking for me to scratch the proverbial sexual itch. And be friends. I have managed to attain some semblence of distance from him emotionally and if I were to get involved with him physically, that distance would go away. Unless my feelings were returned, I don't think that's a good idea. I also don't think that's a good idea as long as he thinks my integrity is less than it is. When one considers what I have been through, it's doubly insulting. Besides, what we want, at heart, is for the person we are with to know us.