The Ex Needs the Axe

Over the last couple of days I have had lengthy discussions with my ex. Supposedly about money and children. He caught me up on his life - not many questions were asked about me and I didn't really offer anything up. That's pretty par for the course. He doesn't notice.

He's still dumb. He's still all about him. He and Ms. Girlfriend are in individual counseling. She's traumatized because her actions harmed so many people (would you like that serving of vomit for here, or to go?) and couples counseling.

The former-in-laws and the ex are all looking for me to say "it's ok". At most, I'll say "Life goes on. I understand that." But I won't say it's ok. Because it is not. He also wants me to be "in the wings", waiting, willing to take him back if things don't work out with whats-her-name. He doesn't say this, but he's fairly transparent. He ALSO wants a "good" relationship with me because it will give him approval from his family. Yeah, no. My job is no longer to help make you look good or to cover up your garbage, buddy.

I realized what I miss most is interacting with someone that knows me intimately. I do not mean physically (get your mind out of the gutter). There are areas where he is like this - meaning, knows me very well. However, I have changed. He is amazed that when he disagrees with me about something, I refuse to negotiate. (Salesman, you know. ) I was such an absolute wash out when it came to having a back bone. Now, I simply walk away and cut off contact. I have no interest in anything but getting what I want from him. No interest in friendship. (Which he seems to think we should have. I'm sorry, my friends don't lie to me, hit me or betray me.) No interest in communicating.

Why would I be interested in talking with someone who lies about really mundane stuff? When confronted with this, he says "well, you weren't giving me any information". Huh? "Gee [dumbhead], that's a justification not a reason." For this guy, lying is a lifestyle.

So, knowing the girlfriend checks his email, I sent a piece of music to him about lost love and referenced his upcoming counseling. I'd so love to be a fly on the wall. I am apparently a huge problem in terms of her insecurity. She doesn't want us alone together in a room for fear we'll end up having sex. Ick. HOWEVER, knowing this, I will now take every opportunity to make her jealous and worry. Seems to me the shoe is on the other foot now. The difference is simple, though, I only want her boyfriends money. Not him. But she doesn't know that.

As for Mr. Boyfriend...

As soon as I made the decision not to contact him, he began contacting me. Is this so he can continue having companionship without the responsibilities of a relationship? Probably. I'll be dating other people, thank you.

What in the world have I been doing? Where has my head been?