Further Deconstruction

I  wake with hollow grief etched upon my heart,
Loss found me in my new life, unsuspecting.

New life.  Perhaps that is the trouble.
We drag the old along with us, regardless
     of the choices we make
New love, new job, new clothes, new diet
Irrelevant.

They sit around a campfire, the four of them
She in my spot.
They laugh, drink wine, cook.
     The things that people do in an environment like this.
They took my life, my value, and threw it in the garbage
     Traded me in. I was replaceable.

I no longer hate him. I have recognized how I felt
     Why I stayed.
Now, instead, I hate her.
Feel betrayed by the rest.  
What was once my family, is gone.
     Will now be her family.
     Regardless of their dysfunction, I loved them.

So I move through the days, with this hole in my heart.
He is gleeful that he has what he wants.
This woman. His family. Time to make money.
     Time to spend it.
I matter not. 15 years matter not.
Only to me.

So I build my own campfire.
I sit alone. I pour myself a glass of wine.
Wishing I was with them. Not him. Never him.
     He is not a wish of mine any longer.
But his family who used to be my family and are not now…
I still wish for them. I hurt as I let them go.

One more loss in the deconstruction of divorce.