What's in a Dad?

I received a call last night from my ex telling me that my former father-in-law had a heart attack and was in the hospital, awaiting news as to whether or not he would be able to withstand a double bypass. It was ten o'clock and yet my ex said he was calling so the kids would know.

I was on my way to the hospital - just to stop in and be supportive and was told that the ex did not want me there. OK. I turned around and went to the chapel. I called my former mother-in-law and visited with her. I offered my support all the way around. I said a prayer.

Really, though, I'm a mess. This man, unknowingly, taught my father how to be a father. He treated me like a daughter for over 15 years. He was always honest and straightfoward with me. He does not lie. He knows the difference between right and wrong. He was always there to help when something broke and his rotten son was off screwing someone else. (Gee, why don't I express how I really feel?)

I love this man. He is a father to me. I can't be there. I no longer have a place on the inside. Oddly enough, that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that a man I love is in critical condition and I can't go see him. I can't tell him that I love him and wish him well.

A couple of months ago I deliberately picked a fight with the mother-in-law. I was ending our intimate relationship. The analogy I've come up with goes something like this: The doctor tells you he has to amputate your leg. He has to take your calf initially, but within three to six months of that being gone, he is going to have to take your thigh, up to your hip bone. Do you elect to have it done all at once or have two surgeries in the space of six months?

I'd have him take the whole damn leg all at once. This is what my intent was with the in-laws. God has other plans.