Friendship

It’s funny how when we don’t blog we feel guilty, as if we are letting our readers and friends down by not keeping them up to date with our lives, our thoughts and our feelings. I read other blogs where people continuously apologize for the length of time since their last blog.

So I’m apologizing for how long it has been since I wrote. I was in North Carolina and South Carolina for about ten days and since then have been attempting to re-acclimate myself to my life.

This will be a brief post as it is early in the morning and I have to get kids to school and myself off to an appointment and work – and I am still in my pajamas. I went to bed last night and sneezed a million times. Pretty soon my nose was running and my face hurt because my sinuses were clogged by an incredible, sudden production of fluids. My youngest daughter gave me a cold.  I had trouble sleeping. I am pathetic. I rolled out of bed this morning and took cold meds. They are only helping slightly. I still feel unmotivated and yucky.

I have much to report about my trip, both from a professional standpoint and a personal one. It was incredible. I may be being a complete door-knobby thing regarding work: I’ll post that here later so ya’ll can think I’m an idiot.

Ye Gad’s, my body aches.

The kids are off to school and I have to get into the shower.

I intend to write about a number of things when I get the chance; my brother, work, my kids, Mr. Boyfriend, God, gardening, and lastly and perhaps most important right now, is my best friend. Last week I discovered she has skin cancer.

It’s hard to know how bad it is, because she presents things like they are no big deal. I went to visit her after surgery and discovered that the spots she had removed were only two among at least five others. They took two of her lymph nodes and may well take more after lab tests are run. I believe she is 34 years old. She’s young. She was a sun worshiper, on the pill and a smoker.

I don’t know anyone who has actually survived any kind of cancer. Skin cancer killed my Grandfather. Cancer killed a family friend, Carol, who was more like an aunt to me than any of my actual aunts. If I had to choose an adult who had the most impact me, it would be Carol.

I am deeply worried. Wendy has been my friend for at least 15 years. She was the ex’s best friend in high school. I won her in the divorce, so to speak. Actually, I believe I won her when he had the first affair and she took me to get stitches in my lip. She has always been there for me. It is now my turn to give back.

I have been so self-centered for so long – I had to be, I suppose, to survive the violence in my family of origin and then my immediate family. But I have none of that anymore and it is time to get outside myself. Recovery from divorce almost insists that we focus very closely on ourselves as we grow and heal. I know this process isn’t done, but it is now time to be truly open to others. Wendy in particular.

I have never been very good at friendships with women. I read a book recently that talks about how to foster relationships with women – this answered the question of WHY I’ve not been good at this. You have to nurture friendships. Give. Time. Small gifts. An ear. Thoughtfulness. See above paragraph about self-centeredness. I have not been a good friend.

Doing this is my new task. To be a better friend. If someone calls me and asks me to do something, I will say yes. I will reach out to my friends. I will give them time. I will not expect them to do all of the legwork to maintain our friendship. I will stand next to them when they go through things.

Donnavera has been a good friend for many years. We had not talked for a very, very long time, years actually. Oddly enough, the day she chose to call me was the day the ex moved out. I remember standing in my garage, overwhelmed, confused and desperate. She came to visit not long after, stayed for an entire weekend. I do not think she has any idea what that meant to me. I did not do this for her, at any point, with anything she went through. But she was there for me.

In the last year, I have recognized that God places angels among us. He does. Friends, loan officers, strangers. People that extend kindness, give of themselves when it is not necessary or required, for no other reason then they have wonderful hearts. Even my attorney, who knocked nearly two grand off my bill to help me get a “good start”, is among these people. Angels. I have been so overwhelmed with kindness that I want to give back. It’s time. And I start with my friends. I start at home.