Synthesis

The little girl dances in her mothers dress
Filmy layers of pink flying and floating as she twirls
Olivia Newton John spinning round and round
Her partner tall and handsome in her imagination.
     The door opens and closes.
Home from a trip, her father walks in
     Deposits his bags, offers a trinket
And walks out – a meeting at city hall.

The twelve year old stands at the kitchen sink
     Sullen and angry.
She objects to the chore.
What she says enflames her father
     A hand reaches out and skin smacks skin
The girl, stubborn, speaks again
     The hand reaches out, over and over
Until bruises appear on each cheekbone.
She is told she is unlovable the way she is.
He cannot love her until she changes.

The young woman steps out of the shower
Today she will visit a doctor and lose a child.
She looks in the mirror, promises herself change.
Haunted by her decision, she is numb.
The boy, he is concerned with himself.
Can they stop at the arcade for an hour afterward?
     So he can de-stress?
Does he know that she is bleeding?
     She is standing there at Pac-man, bleeding
White-faced, sad and tired
     He works through his stress
     And then takes her home.
She is alone. Tell no one, he says.

A week before, the father, he had lifted her by her neck
     Choked her
     Told her without words that he hated her
     Thrown things at her
     Spit at her until she was covered in blood and spittle
     His grandchild witnessing, unknown to him
Trauma, this week, is what she experiences.
Schoolwork? What’s that? Normalcy? What’s that?
Mother closes her eyes as she always has.

A white dress, a quick wedding
Her fault, of course, her father’s fault
If she hadn’t of come from a dysfunctional family
These things would never have occurred
The husband would never be violent – he wasn’t raised that way – she was.
     Her fault.
Her upbringing. Her dysfunction. Her fault.
Her lack of something, her too much of something else.
She is incompetent, fat, nothing compared to what he was
     He might have been perfect if it hadn’t been for her
She was in his way.

She is always in the way.

He leaves, but remains in control.
     She allows it because she cannot survive with out him
He is doing her a favor, by continuing to stay involved with her
     Because he loves her
     Because he knows she cannot make it without him
     She believes him.

One day
The full-grown woman apologizes to the young wife
The young wife apologizes to the young woman
The young woman apologizes to the preteen
The preteen apologizes to the young girl
They stand together.
They throw the monster out.

Now
This woman, these girls, they face the future.
Together.
They examine the daughter and know that the cycle must end
Stop, heal.
Forgive. Pray.
Begin at the beginning and give it up.
Dig deep to the first betrayal
     The first abandonment
     The first feel of violence
     The first time she was told she was unlovable, worthless
Root around in the past, unbury it (it was buried alive)
     Expose it to the Light.

So that they
She,
can look into the future and see happiness.