Life Gets Serious
And She Does It Again
Mr. Boyfriend and I remained in disagreement all week, until Friday afternoon when I decided it was time to have it out. I called and we argued and talked and listened to each other. My mother came up to stay with my children (Mr. Boyfriend and I had plans to run away for the weekend) and still I did not know what the state of things were between us.
The end result is that we went away and relaxed and worked through a few things.
I realized a few days ago what had me completely freaked out. I suddenly started looking at Mr. Boyfriend as stepparent material. That added a whole new dimension to things. From out of nowhere I was shopping for a step dad for my children and his ability to fill those shoes became confusingly important.
Inside, of course, I was screaming…. WHOA!!!! HOLD UP THERE, BABE!!!
But nonetheless, suddenly I was just like every other single female with kids, struggling to do it all cheerfully. Looking for some male to save me. And it seriously freaked me out. Bad decisions can be made for those reasons alone. My internal response was simple: “YUCK. I do NOT want to be doing this.”
The argument between Mr. Boyfriend and I is complicated and I’m not going to get into it all. What IS worth writing about is my reaction to this whole stepparent issue. What a huge deal this is to me. I am horrified that I am even in this position. Blending families, dealing with other people’s children, expecting some one else to understand my own children’s problems and my own flaws as a parent….YUCK. Fighting with someone about parenting? About my children? About their children? Knowing when to open my mouth, shut my mouth, expect them to know the same? (Groan.)
Mr. Boyfriend and I only briefly touched on this. We have yet to seriously have a conversation about it. But it’ll be easier now. My anxiety level was pretty high there for a while. I felt like I SHOULD be at a place where I opened up my life to him, gave my children the opportunity to benefit from my relationship with him…but guess what? No. I don’t have to be there. I just don’t have the energy to fight through the things that might need to be fought through. Between the two of us we have six children. With the exception of both our middle children, our kids are very challenging. Our relationship is not at a point where it could take that sort of challenge. And our children do not deserve to be hurt by getting close to another adult, only to lose them again.
This, I think, is his stance, also. I don’t know yet. I only know that when we talk about it, the decision as to how to proceed will be a mutual one, not one dictated by either one of us.
Mr. Boyfriend and I remained in disagreement all week, until Friday afternoon when I decided it was time to have it out. I called and we argued and talked and listened to each other. My mother came up to stay with my children (Mr. Boyfriend and I had plans to run away for the weekend) and still I did not know what the state of things were between us.
The end result is that we went away and relaxed and worked through a few things.
I realized a few days ago what had me completely freaked out. I suddenly started looking at Mr. Boyfriend as stepparent material. That added a whole new dimension to things. From out of nowhere I was shopping for a step dad for my children and his ability to fill those shoes became confusingly important.
Inside, of course, I was screaming…. WHOA!!!! HOLD UP THERE, BABE!!!
But nonetheless, suddenly I was just like every other single female with kids, struggling to do it all cheerfully. Looking for some male to save me. And it seriously freaked me out. Bad decisions can be made for those reasons alone. My internal response was simple: “YUCK. I do NOT want to be doing this.”
The argument between Mr. Boyfriend and I is complicated and I’m not going to get into it all. What IS worth writing about is my reaction to this whole stepparent issue. What a huge deal this is to me. I am horrified that I am even in this position. Blending families, dealing with other people’s children, expecting some one else to understand my own children’s problems and my own flaws as a parent….YUCK. Fighting with someone about parenting? About my children? About their children? Knowing when to open my mouth, shut my mouth, expect them to know the same? (Groan.)
Mr. Boyfriend and I only briefly touched on this. We have yet to seriously have a conversation about it. But it’ll be easier now. My anxiety level was pretty high there for a while. I felt like I SHOULD be at a place where I opened up my life to him, gave my children the opportunity to benefit from my relationship with him…but guess what? No. I don’t have to be there. I just don’t have the energy to fight through the things that might need to be fought through. Between the two of us we have six children. With the exception of both our middle children, our kids are very challenging. Our relationship is not at a point where it could take that sort of challenge. And our children do not deserve to be hurt by getting close to another adult, only to lose them again.
This, I think, is his stance, also. I don’t know yet. I only know that when we talk about it, the decision as to how to proceed will be a mutual one, not one dictated by either one of us.
posted by New Day | 9:52 PM
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