Looking Back Again

I thought that I would post something I wrote several years ago, while contemplating divorce. The difference between then and now is phenomenal.



There has been such small hope.
So little freedom.
Growth stunted. Joy squashed.
File the papers. Take the medicine.
Heal the hurts. Make me whole.

What task is this God laid before me?
What punishment that I deserve?
This invalid guilt I carry,
Dug in deep.
One glimpse of joy,
Gone again in one full day.

Alone, I stand and stumble.
Break the chain.
Fear looms large and black.
Dominance my Achilles heal.
Look hard at thyself.
What smacks of healing
-only one more wound.
Bloody cuts, the bindings cause,
Yet certain expectations know.

Lay the ring gently at your feet?
No. Decree demands I throw golden
    dreams hard against the wood.
Set the fire and send to sea.
Frozen on the shoreline are my feet.
Leaden hands, heavy with the weight
    of precious metal.

A glimpse of dawn, distant, fades,
    blooms again.
Can I drop this anchor free of rope?

Tarnished and ill-fitting though the rings,
I carry both, lest they be lost
   -and shackles fall away.
Leaving me weightless and empty.